THE FINER ASPECTS OF RELATIONSHIPS (pdf)
Relationships are the gift of the Gods and can easily turn into something else entirely. This blog intends to paint a picture of glories past and build a bridge between then and now so hopefully what was nearly lost will be known, lived, and aspired again. This is a blog to remind everyone of the finer, subtle aspects of relationships. Because despite all the beauty and love, these have gone under. This blog is neither a warning nor a scolding. It is a message to the hearts, the personalities and your relational field. May you be blessed with connections that leave you happy, fulfilled, and individual.
There are a lot of people out there who are truly lonely. There are those lonely by choice and those lonely by circumstances. Never before have I heard so many people longing for a relationship and so many people fed up with relationships. And never before have there been so many people unconcerned about the environment. This is all related, we are all connected and we are in tune in sync, and symbioses with nature.
Not true, you might counter. Because you see all these happy couples, you see families having a great time. You support those who fight against plastic in the ocean, and those who march for their future on Fridays. And that’s true. There is a lot of positive change, a lot if idealistic energy, and a lot of relationships.
What’s lost
Once upon a time, love used to be a man’s greatest gift. He would be so honoured, so moved, so delighted, so careful, so wowed, so shaken by this one woman. He would court her, woo her and make plans for their future together. There would be no doubt in his mind, nor his heart. He would not have to think about wether he’d ask for her hand in marriage. He’d be sure. He would have to convince her that he is the man for her.
Once upon a time a woman had the chance to take a breath and have a look into the man’s character before giving in. She knew he would be tenacious, because he had a goal and that was being the man worth spending the rest of his life with her.
Once upon a time, children grew up seeing their parents making a life for themselves based on love, trust, values, and common goals. They learned by osmosis how to go about life, how the finer aspects of a community work: with respect, boundaries, and highest regard for everyone’s individuality.
Once upon a time, a fairy was a respected guest and their needs taken into consideration, not only for fear of retaliation, but out of respect. Once upon a time humans knew the world bond: that there is no living without Earth, that Earth can exist without us, but we can’t exist without Earth.
Fine tuning
When we think of being in a relationship we often think of love, or lust. About being parents. A mum, a dad. A friend or a co-worker. But what is a relationship? A relationship is the same magic that makes a flower bloom, it’s the loving energy that breaths life into the trees and creates a new being.
A relationships is so much more than living together. It’s the fun and colours a woman brings into a man’s life. It’s appreciating a man’s one-mindedness. It’s giving a gentle kiss before s/he leaves the house. And one when s/he comes back. It’s making an effort to feel the subtleties and nuances and to create a reality meeting everyone’s needs.
Fine-tuning relationships and reviving lost ideas is not about being a hopeless romantic, its about survival. We march for our future on Fridays and through a tin of coke out the car window Saturday. We march for our future on Friday, but getting there requires everyone to go by car. Not together. Because arranging a fix time for meeting has become so unpopular. Why would you, if you can message that you are here, now.
We celebrate weddings as if there was no tomorrow. In some countries accumulating huge debt is considered a small price to pay for the dream wedding. Time and energy better spent on your future plans, your vision, your mission. Because as a couple, what do you want to achieve in life? Family, travelling, having lunch together every Sunday? Do you want to read over breakfast, or chat and talk?
A facebook post is not a relationship, it’s not even communication. It’s shouting a message to the masses hoping someone will feel addressed. You may like and comment how ever much you wish but nothing, nothing will ever transport the feeling of friendship, trust, or love the way direct, personal communication does. Or a hug. Or ringing someone because you feel like they could need a friend.
It’s about time to appreciate each other. It’s about time to see the differences, celebrate them, and be considerate of what this means in day-to-day life. It’s about time we see the magic in the blooming rose, sense the energy that makes a seed sprout and realise that the same energy makes love, relationships, families, the world go round.
Subtleties and nuances
Technology—as much as I love it—needs to be balanced by real, natural feelings. The blunt ones and the finer ones.
It’s those finer frequencies that are easily ignored, forgotten, overheard. Especially in relationships: some give too much, others too little. Overbearing, oversharing, overstepping, out of line meet coldness, indifference, or—the worst kind of love: indecisiveness.
I have never seen people more heartbroken then when the person who loves them says: I can’t. I won’t. It’s better for the kids. It’s not the right time.
And I have never seen people more lonely than those who are ignored in the relationships supposed to nurture them. If needs are ignored or argued away. Logic, the cruel kind, kills love, and lives.
Subtle and soft. Silent and quaint. It’s the small gestures and the subtle changes. We can all come together in a crisis, but can we under normal circumstances?
Listen and sense
The energy that breaths life into a flower for it to bloom is a subtle one. A miracle. It’s the same miracle required to have a relationship. Appreciation, respect, care, tenderness, boundaries, work, to only mention a few, are needed to make relationships work. And at the root of it all lies individuality. Yours and your family members’.
This subtle energy is not easy to describe. It needs to be experienced. It needs to be cultivated, learned, trained. It is the small gesture like touching your fingertip to the cheeks of the person you love. It is knowing how they drink their tea and prepare it just the right way. It is looking at a flower and gain some understanding from it. It’s being aware that we are all vulnerable, connected, and needy.
Any time is the right time to reconsider the essentials. What you really need, what you really want to give. Shut off your mobile, your social media account and the hysteria coming from it, and take a breath, or a bath. Or invent something. Try to feel what those around you need and then define what you are willing to give. You can’t be everything for everyone, you can’t be their all, but you can be the world for some.
MAG. DR. VERENA RADLINGMAYR
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